good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
