I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
