Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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