I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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