im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
