Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
