Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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