the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh god it's open bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
