He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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