He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
