There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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