I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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