On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
