She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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