Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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