Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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