it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
