I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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