Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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