I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ttyl tear gas
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
