I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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