Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
