hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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