i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
