I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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