but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
