do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
