she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
