somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
