I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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