oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
