This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
