Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
