Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
