he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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