Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
