i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
