the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
