I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
