Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
