He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
