my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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