She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I could fuck to npr.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
