Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
