the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
