I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
