My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
