Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
