Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
