she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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