Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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