No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
