so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
