TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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