the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
