i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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