so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
