no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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