I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
